Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of plotting the overthrow both of the British state and our way of life has been perpetrated by youths.

The Mail can reveal that youths are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Mr I.P.Freely of Tunbridge Wells said of the youths, "society needs to condemn a little more and understand a little less.".