Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of squatting houses left empty by families on holiday has been perpetrated by glue-sniffing teenagers.

The Mail can reveal that glue-sniffing teenagers are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Lala from the teletubbies said of the glue-sniffing teenagers, "But many of the unemployeds had become static and didn’t know that if they got on a bus for an hour’s journey, they’d be in Cardiff and could look for the jobs there.".