The Mail has learned that women are responsible for drilling for oil in one family's back garden.

Has the world gone mad? Women are drilling for oil in one family's back garden with impunity. Hanging is surely too good for these no good scum. Why doesn’t the Government use all the money it has stolen from the hardworking families of Britain in stealth taxes to make amends for the situation. Probably because they are too busy lining their pockets!

The Mail spoke to Enoch Powell, who said "A large proportion of Britain’s Asian population fail to pass the cricket test. Which side do they cheer for?"