Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of setting fire to libraries has been perpetrated by gangs of children, some still in their prams.

The Mail can reveal that gangs of children, some still in their prams are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Ian Dunkin-Donuts said of the gangs of children, some still in their prams, "I grew up in the 1930s with an unemployed father. He did not riot. He got on his bike and looked for work, and he went on looking until he found it.".