Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of urinating on the Union Jack has been perpetrated by yobs wearing hoodies and baseball caps.

The Mail can reveal that yobs wearing hoodies and baseball caps are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

The Queen said of the yobs wearing hoodies and baseball caps, "Its the terrorists fault. Watch my eyes. Te-rror-ists. Now I can say anything I like and you’ll think it makes sense somehow. Brilliant. Te-rror-is-ts.".