Why, Oh Why, Oh Why do we allow Eastern European terror gangs such freedom? Not only are they probably communists, but Eastern European terror gangs have this week been revealed as being involved in the death of Princess Diana (God rest her precious soul).

If only the Government and the guacomole-munchers of Islington were a little less concerned with helping Johnny-foreigner and a little more concerned with the rights of the hard working majority of our glorious Nation, then perhaps Eastern European terror gangs would not get away with such treachery.

That certainly seems to be the opinion of The Queen who this week said, "make no mistake if this is allowed to continue Armageddon shall surely be upon us and woe betide all who would seek to impose upon us a surveillance society. For on that day the right shall inherit the Earth!".

So, next time you are at a dinner party and the menu involves sun dried tomatoes, just consider whether you think that being involved in the death of Princess Diana (God rest her precious soul) is acceptable behaviour.