Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of getting away with arson has been perpetrated by Cherie Blair’s friends.

The Mail can reveal that Cherie Blair’s friends are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Some bloke in the pub said of the Cherie Blair’s friends, "a glorious thousand-year reich seems like the only practical choice to stem the tide of economic migrants".