Why, Oh Why, Oh Why do we allow youths such freedom? Not only are they probably communists, but youths have this week been revealed as causing cancer.

If only the Government and the guacomole-munchers of Islington were a little less concerned with helping Johnny-foreigner and a little more concerned with the rights of the hard working majority of our glorious Nation, then perhaps youths would not get away with such treachery.

That certainly seems to be the opinion of Some bloke in the pub who this week said, "Its the terrorists fault. Watch my eyes. Te-rror-ists. Now I can say anything I like and you’ll think it makes sense somehow. Brilliant. Te-rror-is-ts.".

So, next time you are at a dinner party and the menu involves sun dried tomatoes, just consider whether you think that causing cancer is acceptable behaviour.