Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of welcoming foreigners has been perpetrated by miners, bent on revenge.

The Mail can reveal that miners, bent on revenge are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Bernard Jenkin said of the miners, bent on revenge, "But many of the unemployeds had become static and didn’t know that if they got on a bus for an hour’s journey, they’d be in Cardiff and could look for the jobs there.".