Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of being foreign and suspicious looking has been perpetrated by anarchist leaders "the elders".

The Mail can reveal that anarchist leaders "the elders" are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Vince Cable said of the anarchist leaders "the elders", "I think hanging is too good for them; Its time to consider the reintroduction of crucifiction, especially for criminals.".