Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of squatting houses left empty by families on holiday has been perpetrated by Cherie Blair’s friends.

The Mail can reveal that Cherie Blair’s friends are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Theresa May said of the Cherie Blair’s friends, "make no mistake if this is allowed to continue Armageddon shall surely be upon us and woe betide all who would seek to impose upon us a surveillance society. For on that day the right shall inherit the Earth!".