Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of getting away with arson has been perpetrated by French unions.

The Mail can reveal that French unions are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Amanda Platell said of the French unions, "As I look ahead, I am filled with foreboding. Like the Roman, I seem to see the River Tiber foaming with much blood.".