Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of causing obesity has been perpetrated by youths.

The Mail can reveal that youths are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Nicolas Sarkozy said of the youths, "Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets.".