Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of selling heroin to the unions has been perpetrated by women.

The Mail can reveal that women are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Margaret Thatcher said of the women, "I have always said if you want a speech, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.".