The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of threatening to smash up branches of McDonalds and Starbucks, all of them involving homosexuals.

In the glorious days of Conservative head office, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience threatening to smash up branches of McDonalds and Starbucks, but nowadays thanks to homosexuals threatening to smash up branches of McDonalds and Starbucks is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Its the terrorists fault. Watch my eyes. Te-rror-ists. Now I can say anything I like and you’ll think it makes sense somehow. Brilliant. Te-rror-is-ts..