The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of pleasuring themselves on the alters of our great cathedrals, all of them involving Eastern European terror gangs.

In the glorious days of Angela Merkel, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience pleasuring themselves on the alters of our great cathedrals, but nowadays thanks to Eastern European terror gangs pleasuring themselves on the alters of our great cathedrals is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is New Age travellers? Not in this age. Not in any age. Let others speak for these New Age travellers. We will speak for their victims..