Now children are openly being encouraged to flout the laws of morality and the land. Miners, bent on revenge have been sacrificing goats to a gilded image of Ken Livingstone outside nursery schools.

Terror expert Vince Cable has analysed the phenomenon in a new book which we certainly aren’t plugging although it is available from our bookshop for just £7.99; a fantastic 1.7% discount.

In "Sacrificing goats to a gilded image of Ken Livingstone: The True Face Of Evil", Vince Cable says, "we are coming slowly, painfully to an autumn of understanding, I hope it will be followed by a winter of common sense.".

A decent "Big Society" that cared about children would bring back hanging for miners, bent on revenge. After the hanging the still twitching bodies would be deported to somewhere tropical and foreign.