Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of hacking the Gibson has been perpetrated by so-called new age travellers.

The Mail can reveal that so-called new age travellers are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Conservative head office said of the so-called new age travellers, "I have always said if you want a speech, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.".