Now boffins have discovered that Al Qu’aeda bosses can cause cancer as well as being, frankly, distasteful.

Docktawh Gillian Keith, speaking from her underground nutrition dome said, "Ever since Conservative head office told me about it, I have been trying to cure immigrating with a powerful mix of micronutrients, goji berries and spirulina."

She added "As it turns out immigrating is almost completely identical to cancer, in how it affects the balance of our chakras. And everybody knows that immigrating is mostly caused by Al Qu’aeda bosses, who are known to promote a negative orgone balance in the red layer of the energy rainbow."

Of course liberal-minded multiculturalists will no doubt assume that comparing Al Qu’aeda bosses to carcinogens is "racist", but they can’t deny the simple facts of the case. And the Mail is happy to back Gillian’s words; she gave us a fresh insight into Broken Britain by saying, "Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets.".