Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of helping illegal immigrants has been perpetrated by Twitter users.

The Mail can reveal that Twitter users are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Conservative head office said of the Twitter users, "Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets.".