Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of threatening to smash up branches of McDonalds and Starbucks has been perpetrated by hunt sabateours.

The Mail can reveal that hunt sabateours are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Jim Davidson said of the hunt sabateours, "But many of the unemployeds had become static and didn’t know that if they got on a bus for an hour’s journey, they’d be in Cardiff and could look for the jobs there.".