Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of terrorising innocent investment bankers has been perpetrated by hunt sabateours.

The Mail can reveal that hunt sabateours are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

James May said of the hunt sabateours, "Ban this sick filth".