Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of being involved in the death of Princess Diana (God rest her precious soul) has been perpetrated by women.

The Mail can reveal that women are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Jim Davidson said of the women, "Multiculturalism has failed utterly".