The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of setting fire to pensioners whilst high on skunk and crack, all of them involving Guardian-reading do-gooders.

In the glorious days of Norman Tebbit, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience setting fire to pensioners whilst high on skunk and crack, but nowadays thanks to Guardian-reading do-gooders setting fire to pensioners whilst high on skunk and crack is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is A large proportion of Britain’s Asian population fail to pass the cricket test. Which side do they cheer for?.