Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of assisting asylum seekers has been perpetrated by lesbians.

The Mail can reveal that lesbians are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Norris McWhirter, speaking posthumously said of the lesbians, "we are coming slowly, painfully to an autumn of understanding, I hope it will be followed by a winter of common sense.".