Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of plotting to kidnap a senior royal has been perpetrated by gangs of children, some still in their prams.

The Mail can reveal that gangs of children, some still in their prams are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Beyonce said of the gangs of children, some still in their prams, "read my lips; no new taxes".