The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of urinating on the Union Jack, all of them involving ravers smashed out of their tiny minds on ecstasy.

In the glorious days of Nicolas Sarkozy, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience urinating on the Union Jack, but nowadays thanks to ravers smashed out of their tiny minds on ecstasy urinating on the Union Jack is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is As I look ahead, I am filled with foreboding. Like the Roman, I seem to see the River Tiber foaming with much blood..