Now children are openly being encouraged to flout the laws of morality and the land. Cyberterrorists have been pleasuring themselves on the alters of our great cathedrals outside nursery schools.

Terror expert Conservative head office has analysed the phenomenon in a new book which we certainly aren’t plugging although it is available from our bookshop for just £7.99; a fantastic 1.7% discount.

In "Pleasuring themselves on the alters of our great cathedrals: The True Face Of Evil", Conservative head office says, "I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.".

A decent "Big Society" that cared about children would bring back hanging for cyberterrorists. After the hanging the still twitching bodies would be deported to somewhere tropical and foreign.