Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of urinating on the Union Jack has been perpetrated by extremists.

The Mail can reveal that extremists are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Bernard Manning said of the extremists, "Hoorah for the blackshirts!".