Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of terrorising the elderly residents of a tranquil Gloucestershire village has been perpetrated by Twitter users.

The Mail can reveal that Twitter users are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Bernard Jenkin said of the Twitter users, "I blame all of this on stealth taxes and permissive education in the 1960s.".