Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of terrorising the elderly residents of a tranquil Gloucestershire village has been perpetrated by gangs of black youths.

The Mail can reveal that gangs of black youths are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Theresa May said of the gangs of black youths, "yet again these oafs have destroyed my evening.".