Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of smoking skunk in the halls of Parliament has been perpetrated by Twitter users.

The Mail can reveal that Twitter users are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Paul Dacre said of the Twitter users, "yet again these oafs have destroyed my evening.".