Guardian-reading do-gooders have been engaging in steamy sex romps the Mail can exclusively reveal.

How long can this political correctness gone mad be tolerated by British people?

Theresa May said of Guardian-reading do-gooders, "Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets."

Guardian-reading do-gooders made no comment about the accusations when we didn’t ask.