Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of immigrating has been perpetrated by yobs wearing hoodies and baseball caps.

The Mail can reveal that yobs wearing hoodies and baseball caps are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

The deputy commisioner of the Metropolitan Police said of the yobs wearing hoodies and baseball caps, "A large proportion of Britain’s Asian population fail to pass the cricket test. Which side do they cheer for?".