Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of destabilising the British way of life has been perpetrated by followers of Hugo Chavez.

The Mail can reveal that followers of Hugo Chavez are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

The Queen said of the followers of Hugo Chavez, "Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets.".