Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of assisting asylum seekers has been perpetrated by so-called refugees.

The Mail can reveal that so-called refugees are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Paul Dacre said of the so-called refugees, "was it for this politically correct insanity that I fought and died in eight world wars? I think not!".