Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of urinating on the Union Jack has been perpetrated by gangs of black youths.

The Mail can reveal that gangs of black youths are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

George Osborne said of the gangs of black youths, "As I look ahead, I am filled with foreboding. Like the Roman, I seem to see the River Tiber foaming with much blood.".