Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of defacing statues in Trafalgar Square has been perpetrated by Noam Chomsky devotees.

The Mail can reveal that Noam Chomsky devotees are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Jacob Rees-Mogg said of the Noam Chomsky devotees, "society needs to condemn a little more and understand a little less.".