The Mail has learned that lesbians are responsible for smashing up images of our queen of hearts, Lady Diana herself.

Has the world gone mad? Lesbians are smashing up images of our queen of hearts, Lady Diana herself with impunity. Hanging is surely too good for these no good scum. Why doesn’t the Government use all the money it has stolen from the hardworking families of Britain in stealth taxes to make amends for the situation. Probably because they are too busy lining their pockets!

The Mail spoke to The Pope, who said "I blame all of this on stealth taxes and permissive education in the 1960s."