The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of selling drugs to schoolchildren for fun, all of them involving louts.

In the glorious days of Nick Clegg, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience selling drugs to schoolchildren for fun, but nowadays thanks to louts selling drugs to schoolchildren for fun is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets..