Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of selling drugs to schoolchildren for fun has been perpetrated by Corbynites.

The Mail can reveal that Corbynites are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

David Cameron said of the Corbynites, "I blame all of this on stealth taxes and permissive education in the 1960s.".