Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of engaging in steamy sex romps has been perpetrated by extremists.

The Mail can reveal that extremists are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Bernard Manning said of the extremists, "I grew up in the 1930s with an unemployed father. He did not riot. He got on his bike and looked for work, and he went on looking until he found it.".