Now children are openly being encouraged to flout the laws of morality and the land. Miners, bent on revenge have been terrorising innocent investment bankers outside nursery schools.

Terror expert Some bloke in the pub has analysed the phenomenon in a new book which we certainly aren’t plugging although it is available from our bookshop for just £7.99; a fantastic 1.7% discount.

In "Terrorising innocent investment bankers: The True Face Of Evil", Some bloke in the pub says, "Waterboarding is not torture".

A decent "Big Society" that cared about children would bring back hanging for miners, bent on revenge. After the hanging the still twitching bodies would be deported to somewhere tropical and foreign.