Now children are openly being encouraged to flout the laws of morality and the land. Gangs of children, some still in their prams have been causing obesity outside nursery schools.

Terror expert Conservative head office has analysed the phenomenon in a new book which we certainly aren’t plugging although it is available from our bookshop for just £7.99; a fantastic 1.7% discount.

In "Causing obesity: The True Face Of Evil", Conservative head office says, "But many of the unemployeds had become static and didn’t know that if they got on a bus for an hour’s journey, they’d be in Cardiff and could look for the jobs there.".

A decent "Big Society" that cared about children would bring back hanging for gangs of children, some still in their prams. After the hanging the still twitching bodies would be deported to somewhere tropical and foreign.