Why, Oh Why, Oh Why do we allow asylum seekers such freedom? Not only are they probably communists, but asylum seekers have this week been revealed as engaging in steamy sex romps.

If only the Government and the guacomole-munchers of Islington were a little less concerned with helping Johnny-foreigner and a little more concerned with the rights of the hard working majority of our glorious Nation, then perhaps asylum seekers would not get away with such treachery.

That certainly seems to be the opinion of Ian Dunkin-Donuts who this week said, "the day of the yob is upon us".

So, next time you are at a dinner party and the menu involves sun dried tomatoes, just consider whether you think that engaging in steamy sex romps is acceptable behaviour.