Now boffins have discovered that criminal gangs from Eastern Europe can cause cancer as well as being, frankly, distasteful.

Docktawh Gillian Keith, speaking from her underground nutrition dome said, "Ever since Michael Howerd told me about it, I have been trying to cure smashing up images of our queen of hearts, Lady Diana herself with a powerful mix of micronutrients, goji berries and spirulina."

She added "As it turns out smashing up images of our queen of hearts, Lady Diana herself is almost completely identical to cancer, in how it affects the balance of our chakras. And everybody knows that smashing up images of our queen of hearts, Lady Diana herself is mostly caused by criminal gangs from Eastern Europe, who are known to promote a negative orgone balance in the red layer of the energy rainbow."

Of course liberal-minded multiculturalists will no doubt assume that comparing criminal gangs from Eastern Europe to carcinogens is "racist", but they can’t deny the simple facts of the case. And the Mail is happy to back Gillian’s words; she gave us a fresh insight into Broken Britain by saying, "Society needs to condemn a little more and understand a little less.".