The Pope has today said "If only we had a privitised National Identity scheme this would never have happened".

Speaking at Alton Towers The Pope’s comments come in a week that has seen glue-sniffing teenagers involved in terrorising innocent investment bankers on an ever more frequent basis.

The Pope’s comments are both brave and perceptive. In a country where children as young as five are regularly exposed to glue-sniffing teenagers it is about time that someone had the guts to stand up and tell the truth. Glue-sniffing teenagers and the liberal communist atheist society that spawns them must be eliminated.