Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of welcoming foreigners has been perpetrated by homosexuals.

The Mail can reveal that homosexuals are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Jacob Rees-Mogg said of the homosexuals, "If only we had a privitised National Identity scheme this would never have happened".