The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of assisting asylum seekers, all of them involving anarchists calling themselves the Wombles.

In the glorious days of Bernard Jenkin, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience assisting asylum seekers, but nowadays thanks to anarchists calling themselves the Wombles assisting asylum seekers is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is As I look ahead, I am filled with foreboding. Like the Roman, I seem to see the River Tiber foaming with much blood..