The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of eating babies, all of them involving hunt sabateours.

In the glorious days of The English People, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience eating babies, but nowadays thanks to hunt sabateours eating babies is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets..